TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY. EXTREME DANGER IN THE FORECAST. ACTIVATE YOUR PRE-DISASTER PLANS NOW. ALPHA! ALPHA!
AS CLEARLY SEEN BY THESE CONFUSING GRAPHICS, THE SOLAR INDEX HAS PEAKED WHICH MEANS WE WILL ALL DIE IN A HUGE WEATHER RELATED DISASTER.
**ONLY I HAVE THE SECRET MAGICAL POWERS TO INTERPRET THIS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION AND MAKE THIS DRAMATIC CLAIM**
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CALL OUT THE MILITARY IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS A SUPER KAHUNA.
